What I Hate About Expos
Another expo has been and gone. Eurogamer Expo 2012 at Earls Court was a fantastic event and I cannot hail the achievements of the organisers enough. So what I’m about to say certainly isn’t anything against Eurogamer and the event they have just pulled off. There are certain things I absolutely despise about being at an expo; I haven’t been to many but I realised that some things need to be addressed – here is a rundown of what gets on my nerves.
The Smart Arse Watchers
You have just queued up for a little while to get on one of the games you really wanted to play when you paid your entry fee. You sit down, have a little explore and do a few things the game asks you to do – it’s your first time with the game and you are getting used to the control scheme and how it plays; iIf it’s a shooter maybe just firing a few shots off to see how it feels. While you are doing this some assclown who is in the queue waiting for his/her turn to play decides they will comment on every single thing you do and how they would have done it better. “I would have totally headshotted that guy”, “how did he miss” and “I can’t believe he died, what an idiot” are all things I heard over the course of the weekend. If you are one of these douchebags here’s something – you will get your chance to play soon, shut the hell up and wait.
If you were at Eurogamer did you see those people shambling around Earls Court, their eyes glazed over with a vacant expression? No I’m not talking about the Resident Evil Zombies; I’m talking about Swag Hunters. Those people whose sole purpose at the expo is to get as much free stuff as possible. “Can I have one of those” was heard at every booth and even on the Sunday, at the Special Effect booth… A CHARITY booth people were asking if they could have one of the wristbands without donating. They didn’t even know what it was about. They just wanted it because it was free. Don’t get me wrong, getting some free stuff is nice but just walking around asking for it is ridiculous.
‘Booth Babes’ and/or Pretty Women on the booths
Before the ‘FemiNazi’ crowd jump on me here this is nothing to do with not wanting women working at an expo. My issue is when the pretty women who have been employed for the purpose of getting people to play the product don’t actually have a clue about the product. I was asked by a lovely young lady if I fancied playing Lost Planet 3 and when I asked her if it was better than the previous two games the response I got was “I haven’t played any of them so I don’t really know”. I’m not expecting everyone who works on a game booth (this goes for men as well) to know every single thing about the game they are there to help promote, but a bit of knowledge is a must.
Booth Babes strutting around in very little clothing is just so outdated it’s ridiculous, although it still worked for a lot of the crowd at Eurogamer, you know, the ones who haven’t seen a pretty (and I use that term very loosely) woman except for on certain websites. Put some clothes on, do your homework and know why you are there.
The Running of the Nerds
I love video games, that’s why I write for this site. Everyone who is familiar with TheGameJar has seen how much love I have for Uncharted and Journey, but never in a million years would I sprint to that booth the minute the doors opened to an expo just so I could play the demo. I was inside Earls Court prior to the opening times and I went and stood by the stand where you could get a programme and find out about developer sessions. As the front doors opened and people were allowed in all you could see were people running, and some of these people probably only run once a year (at expos). I overheard one of the front booth workers say “It’s like a bloody theme park, what’s wrong with them”. I chuckled, hard. Then I shook my head and wandered off.
Cosplay & Onsies
I’m never fully going to understand why people want to dress up as their favourite characters at an expo, but when it’s done properly I have a huge amount of respect for those who do. There were some great cosplayers over the course of the four days but they were greatly outweighed, figuratively and literally, by the hordes of people who looked like they had just thrown something together last minute. Don’t get me wrong with what I’m about to say, I’m not “fattist” but, if you were going to cosplay wouldn’t you choose a character who best suited your real life look. I don’t want to see twenty stone Borderlands Sirens running around in skin tight outfits. One guy was just wearing a pair of shorts, a long scarf and had pink hair, I don’t even know if he was cosplaying or just mental.
Then there is the onesie epidemic. I had a onesie once upon a time, I think I was five years old. It was extremely comfortable and hey, possibly, in the confines of my own home if I was given one I might wear one again. Never would I ever wear one in public which is what a lot of people were doing this year. Why a grown man feels the need to wear a Pikachu onesie in public is beyond me, you look ridiculous sir, grow up.
Last but certainly not least – how difficult is it to have a shower in the morning? Or if you are someone who knows they are prone to perspiring when it gets a little stuffy is it really that hard to purchase a can of deodorant? No, it isn’t. Squeezing through some of the tight gaps where lines had formed in the expo was unbearable at times due to the sheer poor hygiene of some people (Halo 4 queue I’m looking at you). Next year I urge a deodorant manufacturer to be the main sponsor of the show; a free can of Lynx for everyone walking in would do the trick I think.
Any more things that should be added to the list? Let me know in the comments below.