No More Lightning, Please.

No More Lightning, Please.

Oh Square Enix, why have you done this? Why, oh why have you decided to give another game to the most boring, depressing, annoying character in Final Fantasy history?

I must confess before going on with this piece that I am not what I would describe as a hardcore Final Fantasy gamer. I have played VII, VII, IX, X, X-2, XII, XIII and XIII-2 but not all of them through to completion. I couldn’t tell you every character’s name in some of them, or specific parts to some of the stories, which others seem able to. They are however (for the most part) really good games that you can sink some time into.

The first Final Fantasy game I really got into was Final Fantasy X and that was mainly for the fantastic story that took place over the forty hours that I ploughed into it. What was the lynch pin behind this engrossing story? Amazing characters who you could relate to on some level, even though they existed in a make-believe land. Yes, Tidus could be a bit whiny at times, and Wakka was… well, Wakka but none of them or any character in Final Fantasy… nay, video game history has made my blood boil like Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII.

When I first saw Lightning I was impressed; she looks pretty awesome but as soon as I put Final Fantasy XIII in my disc tray and started following her and her story, my god was I in for a disappointment. It looks to me as if Lightning was designed to be the female Cloud; strong in the head, could hand out an ass-kicking and has that kind of quiet, broody quality that builds intrigue into the character. It certainly wasn’t a bad idea but it failed on every single level for me.

Instead of wanting to see and help Lightning succeed in her goals through XIII I wanted to see her face get smashed in. She is dull, so very dull and the only thing she cares about in the world is her sister. Now, that sounds like quite a nice trait; she loves her sister and that should be commended, right? Wrong. The fact that her sister is also one of the most annoying characters in Final Fantasy history just makes me think “why the hell would you give a damn about her?” Let her stay in her crystal form, we’d all have been better off for it because Final Fantasy XIII-2 would never have existed.

Hands up here and be honest – is anyone interesting in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII? The gameplay itself sounds like it could be interesting, but why stretch out a story that was rubbish in the first place? Ok, the two games featuring Lightning sold quite well but I can only think of one person who enjoyed either of them. The only characters from the XIII series that are actually interesting and not complete douchebags are Sazh and Fang. While I might be interested in seeing more of their stories another twenty-five to thirty hours of Lightning sulking, Serah’s annoying voice and so help me god if Hope even so much as shows his face, I will find every copy of that game and snap them all to pieces and eat them.

Look at what you have done to me Square Enix… are you happy? My articles aren’t always the most articulate or well written at the best of times but this one is a bit of a mess and I blame it all on you. I can never call my created characters in wrestling games Lightning Joe Dale again because all I can think of is her. I’m not asking for a remake of VII; it doesn’t need to happen… maybe you could be working on Versus XIII instead? Or use the money to pay a better writer to come up with decent story for the next unique Final Fantasy game because none of them have been decent since ten.

Joey Dale


Joey D, J Dizzle, J Money, J Dawg. All names no one calls me...except me. I've come and I've gone. Now I'm back again. Ready to play all the video games and tell you what I think of them.

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6 Comments

  1. Darren
    September 19, 2012, 8:47 am

    Only played FF VII After that never could get into the games. Plus I moved from console to PC, but even after my console return. I went 360 and never returned to the series due to some seriously bad reviews.

    Thankfully your elegantly worded rant has proved that I was right.

    So cheers.

  2. Joey Dale
    September 19, 2012, 11:45 am

    All the Final Fantasy’s on the 360 have been turd, honestly they have. But, if you ever have the chance to play through VII, IX and X i thoroughly recommend them.

  3. Josh Mathews
    September 19, 2012, 3:37 pm

    Lightning is a stupid name.

  4. Gxgear
    September 19, 2012, 9:37 pm

    It’s the writing that failed, not the characters in FFXIII.

  5. CJ
    September 20, 2012, 1:26 pm

    Having played all 13 main titled games, plus 10-2, tactics and that 4 player gamecube one to either completion or near completion (except 12 and 13) I can honestly say that 13 is bar far the worst thing to happen to the series. Auto battles, annoying characters, only controlling one team member, no world map, the futuristic setting… pretty much everything about it was the opposite of what made the predecessors fantastic.
    It all started to go down hill once it hit the PS2 (FFX onwards) IMO.

    I would love to play FF Dimensions which was promised for iOS and Android…. but the Android version appears to have been forgotten about.

    Any plans to review FF Dimensions?

  6. Chris Boers
    January 18, 2013, 2:48 pm

    Wholeheartedly disagree. Lightning was in my opinion the best character in FF XIII. Sash, that disturbed father with the bird in his hair, and Fang, the would-be hippie turning war-mongering Ragnarok, who only seems to be introduced to let things go wrong? Please. And don’t get me started on that immature Snow and Hope.

    No, I love the fact that the lead of these games are female (Lightning and too-good-for-her-own-good Vanille), instead of the usual male protagonists.

    Maybe it’s the same reason I always play with a female Shephard, my WoW characters are always female, as are my other RPG characters, once I get the chance.

    Female Shephard, Lara, Nariko, Lightning. Hero’s of this generation of games.

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