Things Developers Should Be Banned From Doing
As much as I love gaming there are some things that really bug me. Mostly it’s because I’m old and I remember a time when video games were made by a small group of friends trying to do something cool, but it’s not always that. You see, I believe that some developers have started to become lazy, their creativity has been stifled by the publishers pressure for a profitable game. We need to free these people, brothers and sisters, from the tyranny and oppression of boring game mechanics. So when the revolution comes, and you have wisely made me your glorious leader, I shall ban all game developers in the land from doing these five things.
Oh and obviously I’m doing this for the good of gaming, it’s in no way a selfish attempt by me to eliminate the things I’m no good at or hate doing…
Collectables.
Ever play the first Assassin’s Creed? Enjoy collecting all the flags did you? No? You know why? Because it was fucking tenuous. Seriously, who enjoys running around, all over the game world, collecting stuff that has no bearing on your objective? I’m simply not interested in shooting every pigeon in Liberty City, I’m Nico Bellic for christ sake, I’m a criminal and I care about the money and the hoes, I don’t give a damn about city sanitation. In Bioshock, I just want to escape from Rapture whilst shooting people in the face with bees, I don’t want a potted history on how every thing went to shit. From now on, if your game hasn’t got Lego whatever written on the box, you are banned from putting any sort of collectable in your game.
On-rails driving and shooting bits.
I want to be specific on this, having full control of a vehicle is fine; driving a tank in Halo or Battlefield for example is perfectly OK with me, because I can control where the thing is going. I can try to avoid incoming fire, and I can get out if needs be. What I hate is the on-rails vehicle sections; the bits where I’m stuck in the back of the truck with the heavy gun with no control over where we go. It’s always the same – I, the poor mug in the open who’s woefully unprotected, have to be a crack shot with the slow moving, slow firing heavy machine gun (or whatever) while the AI behind the wheel has absolutely no idea about evasive manoeuvring. And he’s safe in there, tucked up nicely behind all that armour. No, from now on I’m behind the plexiglass and the damn AI can get shot at in the back.
Day one DLC.
Also known as “stuff that should already be in the game but is being held back for no good reason other than making more money.” Once upon a time, games were released with only one version, there were no retailer exclusive weapons or characters, no DLC codes in the box. Everyone went out and bought the same game – my copy of Killzone was exactly the same as your copy of Killzone, neither of us had a special gun because we bought it at a certain shop, and neither of us had extra missions or maps. We had the same game. I’m so sick of this segregation of gamers, and it’s got to stop. Everyone gets the same game, end of.
Using the words Elite, Special, and Forces.
If I read one more game box blurb that starts with the words “You are part of an elite special forces team…” I’m going to vomit. Can we all just agree now, that like the World War II setting previously, the modern day special forces setting has been done to death, and it’s time to move on? And while we’re at it, can we also throw in that other FPS staple, killing off the character you’re playing? It was shocking and immersive when Call of Duty 4 did it, but not any more.
Making a first person shooter? Just follow this handy guide to sure fire profits. Got evil terrorists in it? Check! Got some sort of desert/middle east level in it? Check! Kill off the character whilst the player is playing him? Check! Be honest, I could have described any one of the more recent shooters out there, couldn’t I?
Not including split screen.
Split screen seems to be going the way of the dodo sadly, so from now on, any developer contemplating not putting it in will be made to sit down with three friends and play Mario Kart until they understand why leaving it out is a crime. Ask anyone who played Goldeneye 64 for their fondest memories and invariably they’ll talk about the hours spent playing four player co op. The thing is, for gamers my age, multi-player meant going round a mate’s house and playing split screen, there was no Live to hide behind. You took your controller round to his place, you sat in the same room, and you had fun. Nobody who’s played Mario Kart, Goldeneye, or Micro Machines with a room full of friends will tell you split screen doesn’t matter, it’s that simple.
So that’s my vision – under this blueprint gaming will move forward to a glorious future! Granted I may have to build my own Rapture under the sea to become supreme overlord, and developers might not be too keen to come live down there and make games, but a boy can dream can’t he? Have I missed anything? What overused gaming mechanics would you like to see banned? Can you not get enough of playing a special forces soldier, and secretly wish that every game was Call of Duty?
Welcome to the site Mr Jacobs. You’ve hit the nail on the head with this piece. One gaming cliche that grinds my gears is one that appears in many FPS games. Explosion-character thrown to the ground-shell shocked-vision blurred-ears ringing-gun on floor-comrade picks you up handing you your gun, saying something relevant to the situation-cue the game asking you to try the Y & X axis to see if you want to play inverted. Does my head in.
With you on everything – except the collectables, I quite like the collectables, it gives me something to do on a Sunday.
As someone who’s just gone through the hell of collecting 250 gold bricks in Lego Batman 2 I’m even more convinced collectables should go :P
I gotta agree with Lee I love collectables! like the playboy pinups in Mafia II and you mention the recordings in Bioshock but they actually make the game more immersive! i like collectables so much I 100% San Andreas!!!
With regards to collectables, I would say it depends on the game. Sometimes they can be tedious but other times they can act as a relaxed chilled alternative to the main whilst keeping you emmersed in the game world.
Sometimes, when playing infamous for example, when I have had enough killing for the day, its plesant to just jump around the city collecting things.
It can also be a good way to add some extra life to a game that you have otherwise completed but cant bear to part with yet (in the same way trophies and achievments are).
I’m also all for DLC. Day one DLC can be a little shitty but thats more than likely due to the pace that the games industry moves at now a days. A game is finished several months before it appears in the shops. In that time the developers would be starting work on some DLC and if they get that finished even before the game is released then they may as well release it straight away (DLC is a lot quicker to release than hard copies) as they cant exactly stop production of the game while they go back and add something and holding the DLC release off longer makes little sense.
Also, remember that no one is forcing anyone to buy DLC. Think of it like a sequel. You wouldnt buy part 2 if you didnt like part 1, however if you loved part 1 then why not drop a few more notes on something to extend the experience?
lack of split screen is my greatest concern with gaming today. Back when I was at school (late 90′s) me and my friends had a huge selection of games to play together, but now we really struggle to find something to play when people come round and usually have to resort to taking turns on single player games. For me gaming has always been a shared experience (if im alone I’ll do something productive) so limiting that limits how much I game.